My partner took off to a regional burn called Wasteland in Southern California earlier this week. I was still in San Diego for a few days. I learned a bit while he was gone. I learned that I think I liked being sad that he was gone. It felt romantic. It was definitely a choice to be sad. A choice I seemed to like, especially at night when I had to go to bed alone. While I thought a friend might stay with me, that didn’t end up happening.
I also got to feel what San Diego feels like without him. I have made friends there but it’s still very different than being home solo in Kalamazoo, MI. I’m more established here in Kalamazoo and I have my own things, friends, more to do.
I really loved getting the apartment ready for his return without me there. I bought him beer for the fridge. I left him leftover food. I washed the sheets. I did all these little things around the apartment as a way of hopefully reminding him of me.
My hope is that he had a lot of time to reflect while he wandered the desert at night. I know that he thought of me in those moments, as he sent a few texts expressing so. But we haven’t debriefed yet, as I type this, so I am only imagining what his time was like.