I got a voicemail from my father this morning. He’s up from Florida and would like to see the kids and myself. I happen to not be in Michigan at this time but rather in California as I’m attempting to split my time between the two, as my friends and family are in Michigan and my love, P, is in California. Lofty goal but I have determination!
What do you do when you feel like a relationship is toxic? That is the question. I live a pretty positive life. I don’t welcome negativity into it. It tends to just stay away on it’s own. I once read a meme that said, “Vibrate so high that toxic people in your life fall back, because they no longer know how to approach you.” That seems to work for me… except when it comes to those built in relationships… like the one I have with my father.
What is the issue? We live polar opposite beliefs. He focuses his energy on the negative, I focus on the positive. He lives in what feels like fear (of anything not like himself) and I embrace other’s who are living authentic, though maybe not societally accepted lives. Basically it comes down to conservative vs liberal. And it isn’t just that we have differences, he chooses to voice his in my presence. I had to block him from my facebook because he couldn’t behave himself in his comments and they were very triggering to my chosen family and friends.
I haven’t cut him out. I just don’t participate. Does that make sense?
I asked a friend once what I should do? How to respond to his text and emails when he complains that he doesn’t know what’s happening in my life? She suggestion I just respond, “I’m always sending you love.” I didn’t do that. I just didn’t respond more than necessary. I basically freeze.
I guess I’m waiting to see a change in his energy but I know it’s not coming. He seems to only go deeper into the darkness. If he wasn’t my father he would just fade away into my past.
So I called him back, late in the day, managing to squeak out a voicemail with just the basic logistical information. That’s what’s on my mind tonight.