I like lists. I also like putting out to the universe what I want. So… I want to do a personal check in of what I’m wanting out of my primary relationship, not just pointing at the one I am in, because he may not meet all these points… but moving forward, what am I wanting. I’m going to attempt to pretend I’m not in a serious primary relationship at this time while building the list. I think this might be the quick version of my user manual (aka how to date/love me).
1. I believe I am a pair bonder. Meaning, I feel bigger feelings with just one person. It doesn’t mean I only love one. I have so much love for so many people. But I only feel those giant romantic feelings for one. I want that one person to go deeper with, to risk more with. Maybe I am poly but more of “many types of love” rather than “many loves”.
2. I want to be paired with another pair bonder.
3. I want a partner that is careful in his other partner/friend/lover choices. Whatever we call our other emotional entanglements. I call them friends, at this point, working away from labels that create a certain predetermined level of expectations.
4. Autonomy is vital.
5. I want romantic gestures, either in words, or quality time or even gifts. I need to see your love. Otherwise I feel taken for granted.
6. I’m not monogamous but I’m not a slut either (I wish I was). I just like options, autonomy, the ability to create whatever feels natural. I want a similarly wired primary partner. It isn’t about collecting lovers but feeling free. I don’t want the grass is greener feeling. For either of us.
7. Emotional intelligence and emotional intimacy is of the utmost importance. I want to go deeper and deeper together.
8. Open relationship means to me – open to be completely honest and vulnerable and authentic and trusting. We will come back to one another fuller to love one another deeper. We are open to get our needs met.
Let this list be a living organism, always growing and changing. I wish to be constantly working on knowing myself better.