So May is Masturbation Month. Yep. May. Now, please don’t think that means you can only masturbate in May. Please do it as often as the urge hits. It’s good for you. And this month you can find a myriad of articles telling you all the benefits. That’s why I’m thinking of putting a spin on it and talking about mutual masturbation. Because well, it’s fun!
First, what exactly is mutual masturbation? According to Kinkly.com “mutual masturbation is a sexual act in which two or more people manually stimulate their own genitals or their partner’s genitals. Some more common acts employed during mutual masturbation include hand jobs and fingering. Some individuals may also use toys like vibrators and masturbation sleeves.”
The reason I want to bring up mutual masturbation is because I feel some people forget it’s an option. The term “sex” can mean a lot of things. It doesn’t have to only mean penis in vagina (PIV) or penis in ass (PIA). There doesn’t have to be any penis involved! My definition of sex is sharing of pleasure through genital contact of some kind.
One HUGE benefit, as far as I’m concerned, of mutual masturbation is the risk of spreading STIs falls considerably. Skin to skin contact always comes with a risk and the exchange of fluids still has to be monitored and avoided. But generally, I consider it the “I don’t have to worry about this later” form of sexual contact.
I’m one who tends to have sex on the first date. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a first date but last I practiced first-dating, I had sex. I had all the sex. Not just mutual masturbation. But mutual masturbation is sometimes exactly what I have on a first date. One of the reasons I like to engage in first date sex is so I can see how sexually compatible I am with a potential partner. I want to see how we click. I want to see how giving they are. I want to know if it is worth getting more involved with this person. Sexual compatibility is important to me! I can learn a lot about a lover through mutual masturbation.
Mutual masturbation gives me the opportunity to see how my partner masturbates. I can see how they achieve orgasm. They also get an idea of how I achieve mine, assuming we are both pleasuring ourselves in front of each other. I know that can be very intimidating to some of you reading this. Shyness could be an issue. I understand. But I encourage you to own your sexuality and get comfortable pleasuring yourself in front of your partners.
Mutual masturbation also gives me the opportunity to see how they are with hand sex, specifically giving it. It’s one of my favorite things, so it’s an important skill to posses (or to learn and I’ve been known to teach it).
Sexual connection can come in many flavors. Keep your options open and discuss your sexual boundaries with any new partner before things get too hot and heavy. Take a moment to ask, “What are you ok with?” Have a talk about STI testing, disclose your current relationship agreements, any risky sex you’ve had recently (like if a condom broke). TALK! That’s pretty sexy too! Trust me! If you are confident and comfortable talking about sex it says a lot.