Using How You Friend to Determine How You Poly?

Browsing my favorite fetish website, I came across a comment from a kinky friend on a post about polyamory.  I want to share it, with her permission.

“If you look at dating in the same way you look at friending (that is, the verb I just made up for being friends with someone), you’ll likely get a better idea of how your romantic relationships will work out in the end. If you have one best friend, and you get jealous when that one best friend spends time with your mutual friends or even his or her other friends who you don’t know, then you may not be cut out for poly. If you have multiple best friends, but you know that one of them is your closest best friend and that you prefer to spend most of your time with him or her, then you might be cut out for hierarchical poly. If you have a wide social network with an ever changing ebb and flow of close friends and acquaintances, you might be great for anarchic poly. I’ll be the first to admit as well that some people don’t friend in the same way they date, but knowing what kind of friendship relationships you’ve already cultivated might be a better way to establish what kind of poly options you’ve got…”

What a great analogy.  Now I’m thinking though, where do I fall?  My friends know that I’m always trying to figure out where I fall in different communities.  I seem to regularly ask these questions, to name a few:

  • Am I naturally submissive or dominant?
  • Am I cut out for poly?
  • What kind of relationship style do I really want?  Monogamous or non-monogamous?  Some hybrid?

Those questions hit the big ones.  But this comment above, from a friend, really got me back to thinking about styles of poly.  (I can’t even say how good I am at being poly.)

How do I friend?  I have lots of really close friends, but I tend to have that one friend that is my go-to.  That doesn’t mean I don’t adore my other friends and find them all very wonderful and special.  But there definitely is “that one friend” at any given time.  I can see my dating life exactly like that.

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