Am I Just Slow to Fall in Love?

I was headed out tonight to meet my dear friend L at the local open mic poetry night when I heard a dedication on one of those sappy late night love song radio shows.  I can’t think of her name other than it starts with a “D”.  The gentleman caller was over the moon about this woman he was dedicating a song to.  He would do anything for this woman and declared how much he loves her.  You could hear it in his voice too.  The way he spoke of her was charming and very endearing.  The host asked something like, “How long have you and your lady been together?”

“3 weeks,” he proudly declared.

I don’t know what happened after that moment.  My head took a detour away from the radio noise to the noise in my head.  “Do I move too slow?  I always thought that I moved too fast but jeeze, nothing like that!  Here I thought knowing that I really liked someone and feeling an attachment in the first month or so felt way too fast.  Love?  In 3 weeks?  I didn’t know I loved K for 4 months and that just hit me one day while driving home one night from a great date with another man.  3 weeks?!  Is that possible?  Isn’t that just infatuation?  Am I really just moving slow?  Am I afraid?  Why can’t I have a ‘love at first sight’ romance?  Michelle, you know you don’t want that!  You would never trust it.  You like slow.  You can trust slow.”

That was my conversation in my head as I finished my drive to meet L.

What is it about love?  The word love means so many things.   I love my friends.  I love my family.  I love my kids. I love my dog.  I love love.  But the minute you through sex into it, then it suddenly becomes funny, doesn’t it?

I think of L.  We attempted dating once, as we were reminded by a drunk young man attempting to hook us up with each other at the bar tonight, to which L responded with a snicker, “We’ve tried this before and it didn’t work.”  (Well, that isn’t exactly what was said.  L said something way funnier but I’m not going to share it.)  We both laughed.  We had attempted dating and it didn’t work.  But the minute we figured out how much better we were together as friends, and later lovership, I was instantly able to tell him I loved him in conversation.  Sex wasn’t part of our friendship so suddenly I felt free to tell him I love him.  And I do.  But morph that friendship into a romantic relationship and love becomes much more weighted.

Love in a romantic relationship comes with an expectation of commitment.  That’s one way it makes it different from the love of a friend or family member, the expectations.  We could talk about the levels or stages of love.  I could probably add a link, but that isn’t my point in writing this post.  My point in writing this post was to work through my thoughts and declare:  I move slow when it comes to love.  Or at least slower than some.  And you know what?  That’s what I trust.  And that’s ok.  If you move faster, that’s ok too.  Do what YOU trust.

(The acknowledgement that I have to be able to trust the feeling was the point of this journal entry and my lesson gained.)

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