Expanding My BDSM Skills

I sat at dinner with a group of kink friends a few weeks ago.  We were discussing roles like dominant, submissive, etc. and I expressed my confusion as to “what am I” to the small group gathered at a local restaurant.   I’ve been weighing this question for well over a year now.  I’ve attended submissive discussion groups and dominant discussion groups.  I’ve been with a partner I definitely felt submissive to right from the get go.  Conversely, I currently have a partner that I’m happy to dominate or submit to, at least in the bedroom.  But as a veteran mentor in our community would ask, “What does your heart say?  You can play in either role, but what you are is different.”  That is where I always get hung up.  I can relate to both sides.

When I posed the question, “Am I a sub?” my close friend asked if he could give his opinion.  “Of course.”

“You have a submissive heart that likes to top.”

A top is a dominant partner in BDSM play.  This means as a top I would run the show.  My partner would be at my mercy, just where they want to be.  This can be completely sensual or sadistic or a mixture.  Remember, it’s all consensual play and pre-negotiated in most cases.

I was recently talking to Ruby Ryder during an interview for her podcast Pegging Paradise.  She told me about an event she attended in LA recently that promoted female tops. It reminded me of a group we used to have here, locally, that promoted female rope tops (meaning they tie partners in rope for bondage), specifically.  In our local kink community, we don’t have a large number of female tops when you compare to the number of male tops.  It’s kind of the stereotype of men are doms and females are subs.  Men top.  Women bottom.  If a male bottom is looking for a female top, it is slim pickings.

GMD cross

Example of a St Andrew’s Cross. Courtesy of GMDCreations.

I reached out to a friend and mentor and asked if she would be interested in building a local group of women interested in teaching and learning to top?  She suggested we start with a small group and see how it goes.

Not to waste any time, a girlfriend and myself attended our first class this week.  We learned some flogging basics.  Our teacher gave us use of her floggers and we practiced a couple of different techniques while hitting a pillow positioned on a St Andrew’s cross.  The evening was going well and our teacher decided it was time to put herself on the cross for our practice.  My girlfriend and I looked at each other with quite a bit of apprehension.  Neither of us ever assumed we would be “hitting” one of the most respected women in our community.  We assumed we would bottom (the opposite of top) for each other when a body was needed.  Nope.  Here was our teacher with her back to us, up against the cross, ready to be flogged… by two newbies!

If I thought I had fun in class that night, it was nothing compared to the fun my partner and I had after.  I think this topping thing might just be a wonderful skill to hone.  *insert evil giggle*

rapture floggers

A matching set of floggers I bought this summer from RaptureFloggers.com

I’m going to be blogging about my journey into topping.  I’ve always related to my submissive side.  But I definitely feel a pull towards my dominant side too.  That said, I don’t know if I will ever hold to one label.  I think it really depends on each of my relationship’s dynamics.   But who knows?  That’s the fun in all this personal exploration, experimenting!

 

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