How to Approach Me on an Online Dating Site

“When meeting people online, leave it to a young foreign man to actually make a great first contact…” -Me

A friend then posed this question to me:

For those of us who don’t initiate contact with, “Hey UR sexy. Want to meet?” or “Sup?” yet still get next to no responses, do you have any pointers?

Some of us “local guys” would love to learn. What are the lessons to be learned from said foreign gentleman?”

Well, first, I guess I should share the message (edited for privacy) that got me to reply:

Good morning,

I am a Turkish guy who was born and grew up in Zurich. I work in finance in Zurich, at a private equity. I like it here a lot but I was offered a new job in [my town] and I’ll move there in November. I can’t wait for that. I was an exchange student once in Boston in 2010. I liked it in the US.

I like being in the nature, outdoor sports, hiking, biking, and camping. I also like playing tennis. I hope I’ll have a garden there:)

I love reading a lot, mostly sci-fic and fantasy. I used to play the piano so I like jazz and classical music. I am always up for a talk over a glass of wine:)

I am aware of the age difference but I think age is just a number. I tend to get along better with older women as I find them more intellectual and open-minded.

I hope we can chat.
Best,

ps: are you sure you’re 39? Because you look much younger than that

First thing first, this is just what works for me, or at least has the best chance of working for me.

Now, is this a fake?  Who knows.  I didn’t have much conversation with him.  I basically told him to get a hold of me once he gets settled.  We exchanged just  a few messages back and forth this morning.  I don’t have anything invested as far as time.

I will admit, him not being local is one key that takes the pressure off when I respond.  That isn’t a tip that’s going to help my friend with the question.

He had a decent picture showing his face and it was flattering.  So attractive is important for me when it comes to online dating.  You don’t have to be too attractive.  But you have to be visually appealing to me.  Unfortunately, that’s the downside to online dating.  In person, add in your personality and my initial reaction might be completely different.

He wrote about himself and it didn’t include sex directly.  Is it implied?  Sure.  I’m the older woman.  He’s the younger man.  That’s a given.  But it doesn’t have to be said.  My profile makes it clear I’m not waiting for marriage.  (In full disclosure, I’ve stated on my profile that I am looking for friendship.  I did not include short term or long term dating and definitely not casual, but all are options I suppose.)

He mentions me in the message.  (He notes that I look younger than 39.)  That lets me know he actually paid some attention, though mentioning something directly from my profile would be better.  We all know men sometimes write a stock message and send it to a ton of women just to see if any respond.  I can’t blame them as it appears to be really difficult to get a response.  Still, this message didn’t seem stock.

So basically, a shortish message (don’t carry on too long) that talks about you and the recipient and have a good profile pic or three.  And don’t be a creep.  (Bonus tip, don’t message more than once, maybe twice.  Then stop or it will get you blocked.)

Here are a few of the messages I received today that didn’t get a response.  I will note after each why I didn’t respond:

“good morning” (Now in all fairness, I have responded to these before but you have to be really great looking and a high match.)

“Love your curves. Curls and smile.”  (Ok.  Well.  I guess I could have replied with a thank you but I just ignored it.)

“Good morning
Hi I’m *****
I would love to get to know you, hopefully your looking for a good man to treat you very good and show you not all guys are the same :)” (Sounds stock)

“Hi. I’m bi. So I’d love to explore a bit with you” (Oh, you are bi?!  Wow.  Then we must meet!  Really?  I mean, he’s fairly attractive and if he came back with another message that had something to it, I might consider.  But not likely with just that message.)

Thankfully, adding “seeing someone” to your profile actually slows down the messages, saving my eyes some of the pain of eye roll.  *wink*

Note, the friend who posed the question to me above, he’s really attractive.  I should probably see what he is sending that isn’t getting him a response.  That’s what friends do, right?    🙂

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