The other day I came across a new word: lovership. Lovership is a combination of lover and friendship, or those really deep friendships. I have many loverships. I’ve always wanted a word for what I have with some of my friends. This nails it.
Meet L and M.
We regularly get mistaken for lovers. And I kind of delight in it.
We don’t follow the rules. We are all in open relationships, meaning our partners don’t feel threatened by our loverships. Our physical boundaries are much different than most. I’m a touch-er and they consent. 🙂 (My top two love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. You can click here to take the quiz to learn your Love Languages.) We are close. We love each other and you can tell when we are together, which is a often. Because we touch, people tend to question, “Are they lovers?”
Could I have these “loverships” if I was in a traditional monogamous relationship? Maybe. I guess it would depend on our relationship agreements and how secure the people in the relationships were. It also depends on whether my partner and I felt that more than one person could fill that space in our lives. Many think that it is a one person job.
I can say for sure, in my previous marriage, loverships were not tolerated. Because I regularly wanted to have sex with many of my close friends, it took the friendships into no-no territory. For me, at least in my previous life (Michelle 1.0), if sex wasn’t an option, I was probably going to obsess over it. It’s one reason people cheat. The taboo makes it intoxicating.
But as I write this post I have a feeling that Michelle 2.0 wouldn’t have felt the same pull to have sexual relationships with friends in my previous married life. I didn’t know how to meet my needs before and I question if I even knew what my needs were. For me, when I was married, sex was the only way I knew how to get affection and intimacy and even though we had a lot of sex, those needs still weren’t being met. Looking back, I was craving touch with emotional connection. I still get touch hungry as my loverships can attest. It usually means I’m not feeling emotionally connected enough to others, aka lonely. I can often be seen holding hands, putting a hand on a back or a knee, or even cuddling those I love. I’ve also learned that part of my BDSM journey is acknowledging that play serves as a way to emotionally connect with my partner. And don’t get me wrong, sex is still important, but it is no longer the only way I get my needs met. I guess in some circles, these would all be forms of energy exchange. I obviously thrive on it. Or as I learned from Reid Mihalko, I’m a “touch slut”. 🙂
To learn more about “lovership” check out the podcast that spurred this post. Please take a listen to Episode #157 of Tapping Q&A with Guest Rick Wilkes. I really connected with Rick telling of his lovership with his business partner Cathy Vartuli. (I met Rick and Cathy, from ThrivingNow.com, at Sex Geek Summer Camp.)
Mission, create more loverships! “How would you feel if our knees touched while we talk?” and we will go from there. 🙂