Facing the Fear AND the Metamours

I knew I would be meeting one of the women he has started seeing that evening. We also discussed when I would probably be meeting the other one.

“What can I expect?” I asked.

He started to describe the event where we would meet.  “No, I mean, what can I expect as far as how you are with these women?  Are you really affectionate with them like we are?  I need to prepare myself for what I will see.”

You may recall, I’ve dealt with jealousy and baggage in the form of fear from my last marriage, in my current relationship.  We have been seeing each other for almost 3 months.  He had his first date outside of our relationship earlier this month and has started seeing a few women.  I joke that it’s hard dating the popular guy.  (He will respond that I am also quite popular, an on-going joke.)  But in all honesty and seriousness, I’ve had a lot of personal work to do.

We are in the kink community.  The women he sees are also in the kink community.  I found myself having a lot of anxiety about meeting them, as I knew it was bound to happen.  My best friend pointed out that due to my fear, it just had to happen.  I had to get it over with.

Wednesday I spent the day with him, scoping out locations for a local Sex Geekdom group I help run.  We had a great day and were very productive with our time.  It was nice to get some work done with the perk of spending lots of time together, walking around the downtown area.  I thought I was taking him along as a way to spend time with him.  He stepped up as a partner and really took the lead in scouting establishments and talking to management.  He showed himself to be the leader I know him to be, my Dom if you will.

As our work downtown wrapped up, we headed back towards his house.  I’m trying really hard to say the things that are uncomfortable to say.  Sometimes saying what I want is uncomfortable.  In this case I said something like, “I can’t require this, but I have a request.  Can you carve time out for me on the weekends I don’t have my boys?”  I know his social life is getting busy.  Remember, he’s Mr. Popular.  (Maybe that will be his nickname?!  J/K)  I wish I could remember what he said and how he said it, but our memories are cruel like that.  If he had said something awful to me, I would remember it forever, burned into my self esteem.  Not the case here.  He said something so sweet that I had to fight back the tears, unsuccessfully.  He isn’t a man that shares his feelings with words.  Instead, he is very affectionate, which I can’t complain about.  He is wonderful.  But those words, whatever they were, was the confirmation that I needed and had needed for so long.

Those words made my night easy.  I ended up meeting both of the other women he is seeing.  I was graceful and I didn’t have hardly a ping of jealousy.  I knew how he felt about me and that was all that mattered.  I didn’t need to compare myself.  I didn’t need to compete.  I was as gracious as I could be.  He came to me many times that night to tell me how proud he was of me.  That’s all I needed to hear that night.  I want and work so hard to make him proud, that’s part of our dynamic.

At the end of the event there was a group heading to another bar for drinks.  He was going and one of the ladies would be with him.  I was welcome to come.  Instead, I wanted something quieter and I wanted to give him his space.  I didn’t need to be right by his side.  I came a really long way that night.  I spent the second half of the night with a good friend of mine, at a quieter location, having drinks and doing what friends do, laughing and loving, not a worry on my mind.

Glossary:

Metamour:  The partner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.  

**Disclosure: I always get the OK from my partner before posting about my relationships.  Honoring privacy is important to me.  If he wasn’t OK, I wouldn’t be OK.**

 

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