I had the honor of helping say goodbye to the local BDSM dungeon this weekend. It closed its door this weekend after many years of being open to the local kink community, providing a space for classes and a safe place to explore many kinks in the BDSM realm.
I entered it’s doors for the first time last October. I walked in for Newbie Night, alone. I had attended two munches at that point but I had never been to any events. I was taking on this adventure, virtually alone, but only briefly alone. I quickly made friends and was brought in and embraced by this community. You might remember this video:
I remember posting about being in a rope class and different times I was tied at parties and my ex-mother-in-law calling my ex-husband, worried about my safety. I laughed at the thought of safety being a concern. The play room was the safest place to possibly explore these new curiosities. The “kink family” is protective, to the point that the moment you walk through the doors, you feel like you are probably in the safest place on earth, way safer than any dating I’ve done.
I’ve learned so much about communication. I remember when I was going to check out my first munch, my friend said, “If nothing else, they know how to communicate and you will certainly learn to communicate better.” And she’s right. I’ve learned to advocate for myself and negotiate many things in life. I might even be guilty of over-communicating.
The playroom gave me a place to push my personal boundaries and fears. I first challenged my fear of being nude (or at least partially nude) in front of others. That prepared me to walk into Betty Dodson’s Bodysex workshop where full nudity was required at time of entrance into the workshop, held in her apartment.
I’m not a size 4. I’m not a size 14. But I learned that everyone is sexy in their own way and it’s the confidence that makes the difference. That alone changed how I saw myself and made life an adventure rather than a straight jacket of, “If I was only thinner…” Live your life! Do the things!
I explored fear and pain in the safety of those walls. I learned to trust. I learned about energy and how people feel around me and me around them. I connected with a group of really smart, creative, interesting people. My life started to fill with diversity and events! My social calendar was never lacking.
I’ve made wonderful friends, even the friendships that have ended were crucial to my personal growth. I can’t imagine my life without those people in it.
So while the local dungeon is closed, we are still a community. There will still be plenty of events, but the playroom’s walls will be missed. So many amazing memories happened there. It will never be forgotten.