“I mean, you chased me like I was the last piece of meat on Earth,” said The Catholic Republican, as I like to call him. Surprisingly he had reached out to me this morning. I think he needed to talk through some stuff about his current love interest. “Ouch,” was my thought when I heard his words. But it was true. I did chase him. I chased him hard.
I’ve made progress in that area…that thing called the chase. I made a commitment to stop chasing. And I think I’ve done a pretty good job at it, at least I’ve come a long way. But I’m also not pursuing men (or women – hey, it could happen and I still have that girl crush) that aren’t pursuing me. Not anymore. Yep, I did. I did it a lot. I did it often. It didn’t work. You don’t have to not pursue at all, but you do have to learn to match the interest of the object of your affection.
Example of what has worked for me… I’ve learned to gauge someone’s interest. So when I felt confident that a man I had met a few times was into me and I was also into him, I reached out and asked about meeting for dinner. If he had said no, I would have left him alone. If it was because he just couldn’t make it work with his schedule, then I would have assumed he would ask me when it was doable for him. If I never heard from him again then I would have assumed he wasn’t in fact interested and I would have moved on. If someone for surely knows you are interested and they don’t pursue you just a little bit too, then you need to move on. They will reach out if they are interested. They will. Thankfully, dinner plans worked out. 🙂
How it didn’t work with The Catholic Republican? When he wanted to postpone our first date, I pushed him to keep it. It worked. We had a great night. But I never saw him again. I hear from him but he never once made plans with me despite me constantly offering up ideas. I finally stopped offering when I decided chasing wasn’t working for me. And as a result, I hear from him because he contacts me. We aren’t close. I think I’m just a good person to bounce stuff off of and that’s ok with me. Because again, I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t completely into me. Trust me, it’s the only way.
Now, once the ball is rolling, I tend to revert to being myself and not playing games. I’m not great about disguising my interest and if I have to hide it to keep you interested, it probably isn’t going to work out anyways. But I do stay busy and I try not to be in constant contact.
It always comes down to balance. It is that way with all relationships, platonic or romantic. There is something very secure in feeling like all parties are on an equal playing field. Ultimately, I never want to beg someone to spend time with me or to include me. I want to be with people that want to be with me. I want to shower my love on people that want to shower me with love. I/You/We are worth it.