Balance

I exhale with a smile of satisfaction on my face.  I’m very zen.  I feel so at peace with life right now, and it isn’t just because of the amazing ashiatsu massage I had this morning.  (Seriously, the best massage I’ve ever had.  If you are in the southwest Michigan area, hit me up for a referral.  She is amazing.)

My desire for a career of some sort in adult sexual education is moving at a snails pace but I am ok with that.  I am in the school of life right now.  I have a trip to Sex Geek Summer Camp next month.  The purpose of the camp is to learn to better market your sex related business.  My purpose of attending is for inspiration and to really get a grip of my options.  I look forward to spending a week with fellow sex geeks, many of which are people I look up to.  I also have had a few submissions to The Gentle Perverts Social Club podcast.  I have made sex educator connections all of the U.S.  I’m co-facilitating a local hub of the international group Sex Geekdom, which helps me to connect with the local sex positive community.  I’m satisfied with where that path is going.

My family is happy.  My ex and I have done a fantastic job transitioning out of our nuclear family.  His relationship is going well.  Our kids are doing well.  No one seems to be having any major struggles.

Socially, my circle of friends is strong.  I have a vast array of sex positive people in my life and we spend plenty of time together.   I have a great mix of friends in the kink, mono(gamous), poly and swing communities with much overlap.  If you follow my personal page on Facebook, you probably see me regularly post pictures with a few of my closest friends.  In fact, I know many assume we are dating.  I guess that means we are doing a good job enjoying each other’s company.  🙂

Sexually, well that is where I am newly feeling the balance.  In the kink world we talk about submissives, dominants and switches.  A switch is someone who enjoys or identifies as a bit of both submissive and dominant.  When I entered the kink world I thought I was a submissive.  My friends didn’t agree.  They saw a dominant side.  It took a bit before I started seeing it too.  But it took quite a bit longer before I actually had interest in acting on it.

That brings me to my current state of satisfaction.  For the last month I have been seeing an older man that is more on the submissive side.  He would do anything for me.  He is all about my pleasure.  I enjoy taking more of a dominant role with him.  It is scratching this new itch and helping me grow.  I really enjoy our time together.  But it doesn’t leave me balanced.

Enter the young dominant man.  Now, this is really rather new but I feel confident enough I will continue to see him that I feel ok mentioning him.  But it really doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I know I need to practice some submission too, to feel balanced.  That is really what I have gleaned in the last few weeks.  I need to be able to work my dominant and my submissive muscles.  The experiences are completely different and both are equally appreciated.  One makes me appreciate the other and vice versa.  So I guess that makes me officially a switch.  (Must go make it official on the kink social media site or it doesn’t count. *wink*)

So I guess this means I am kind of finally practicing polyamory.  Eeek.  Over the year since my split, I have dated a lot.  I have had a lot of one time rendezvous.    I’ve played with friends.  I’ve turned dates into friendships.  But I haven’t consistently shared my bed with a lover, let alone two.  I like it.  It fits.  And the fact that they are both so very different is awesome!

 

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