“Yep. Definitely. I totally agree!” I nodded my head as I read. This is my “problem”.
I recently read an article entitled When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It. I immediately wanted to give my editorial. The article talks about how women desire sex for pleasure but face many social challenges when they pursue it.
I am sexually assertive. I have zero issues initiating sex. I have no arbitrary rules about “third dates”. I will even say that I date mainly for sex, not for potential relationships, though I suppose a relationship could be a side effect if the right partner came along. It isn’t my goal but I wouldn’t run from it.
But I also have a lot of unintended one night stands. I sleep with a date and never see them again. That isn’t my intention. I would prefer to build a sexual relationship with a partner or two. It is my opinion that sex gets better with familiarity. I want that. But Michelle, you just said you aren’t looking for a relationship? I’m not looking for a romantic love relationship. I am looking for a sexual relationship.
“Why do I not see them again?” is a question I often ask myself. I don’t think it’s because it was “a bad time”. It certainly isn’t because I don’t want to see them again. They just seem to “hit it and quit it”. Do they not want to do the work of being with a woman that wants sex to be an event? (Read “The Under F**ked Pussy Epidemic” for a better idea of “event sex”.) Do they want a woman that has an easy orgasm, that takes no effort? Do they want a woman that doesn’t require condom use? Or do they find my sexual assertiveness and lack of required chase to be a turn off?
My dating profiles change regularly, but usually includes some variation of, “I primarily want a sexual partner, and nothing too serious…” But recently I added, “I am still a person and would like to be treated as such. I enjoy interesting conversation. I enjoy someone who wants to get to know me. I want to get to know you. I also require manners. I like affection, cuddling, overnights. Not your standard FWB. Not a hookup.” It’s important to be clear about your expectations and I wonder if I wasn’t being clear enough.
I even recently started building a list of questions and disclosures for potential regular sexual partners. Ironically, it doesn’t seem I need to use my list, as regular isn’t in my wheelhouse lately. But I have it available if the opportunity arises. The first question, and I can’t believe I would even take their feelings into consideration because honestly, if this is a no, I’m probably just not the right partner. But my first question is, “Are you ok with me asking for sex?” Because some men do find it a turn off. Even the article mentioned above confirms it. I will be that rat, tugging at your sleeve. I promise.
But know this, I won’t change. I refuse to sit and wait for a man to pursue me. I refuse to play the game. I would love if more women would own their sexuality, what ever that is for them, and quit playing the game. If you want sex for pleasure, own it!
Bonus tip, just because someone is non-monogamous or is seeking sexual pleasure, it doesn’t mean they aren’t choosy. I am selective and so are my like minded friends. Don’t assume because you are game, I am game. You will likely be disappointed.