I’m a sex geek. (A sex geek is someone who geeks out on sex. I read about it. I talk about it. I talk about it very clinically and academically. It is generally a very non sexy thing for me to talk about, or at least it can be.) One thing very sex geeky about me is the list of podcast I listen to regularly. Last week I was listening to Sex Nerd Sandra interview Reid Mihalko about friends with benefits (FWB). (You can listen here) He talked about his “slut protocol” and it really had me thinking. Can I do friends with benefits any more? Or do I want to do friends with benefits anymore?
I’ve successfully navigated friends with benefits before. I was newly single. I knew I wanted sex but I also knew I didn’t want feelings. I needed time before I wanted a relationship. I was with a few friends that I already knew well enough that I figured I wouldn’t fall for them. It felt safe. I was successful.
Listening to Reid’s “slut protocol”, aimed to help ensure neither party in a FWB would fall in love, I found myself acknowledging that I didn’t want to follow the protocol. I want almost every item the protocol says I can’t have.
I actually want the benefits of a relationship but on a much less intense and serious basis. I know I attach to people easily. I want that connection. I want feelings. I want the sleepovers. I want the weekends away. I want the regular contact. I just need a lot of space. I have a family. I have responsibilities. I have friends. I have a full life that I want someone to share with me, but not full time. Getting those wants and needs figured out is a great feeling.
An occasional hookup? Sure. I’m still ok with that. But it isn’t my goal.