Is First Date Sex Ok?

My motto:  Have sex on the first date, you may not like each other by the second.

Seriously.  If the chemistry is right, why not?

Now, this is assuming you want to have sex.  This is also assuming that you don’t have personal issues with casual sex.  It is ok if you do.  I’m not going to say you must have first date sex.  But what I want to say is it is OK if you want to have first date sex.

There is plenty of advice on the internet about waiting for the third date.  There is plenty of advice on waiting until marriage.  (I beg you not to do that!)  I don’t know that I have seen an overwhelming amount of advice for 1st date sex.

Here’s my advice:

    • Know you are confident enough to say no if at anytime you start to feel uncomfortable.  If you don’t have the confidence to say no, you shouldn’t be engaging in 1st date sex.  Period.
    • Use this first encounter to learn about your potential partner.  How well do they communicate?  What is their game like?  Do they jump to your more intimate areas or do they take their time?  Does their style match your needs and desires?  Do you feel comfortable giving direction?  Do they take direction well?  Are they attentive to your pleasure, not just their own?
    • Sex doesn’t have to mean penis in vagina (PIV).  It can be many other things.  For example, mutual masturbation can be a really safe and wonderful way to get to know each other and each other’s needs.  In my book, sex is anytime an orgasm (preferably at least two, one for each of you) is involved.  You can use this encounter to check their skills. *wink* get-attachment-aspx1
    • Negotiate your sex before starting.  This includes using Reid’s Safer Sex Elevator Speech.  Discuss likes, dislikes, and risk aware sex.  *Special note:  as a sex geek, nothing is more of a turn on than a partner that springs the elevator speech on me, before I get the chance to do it.  It has only happened once and it was endearing.  That said to me that he cared about my safety as much as his.

Take a few minutes to watch Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross give excellent, empowering advice in this video:

Whatever you decide to do, it is your decision.  Never have sex because you feel pressured!  Only have sex because it feels right for you, 1st date or 40th date.  More importantly, never assume a partner is going to have sex with you, 1st date or 40th!

Most importantly…



**Edited to add:  A warning… a reader pointed out that women produce more Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) than men and should be warned that this hormone can make you susceptible to “the love bug”.   So proceed with caution.  If that is a concern, read about how to avoid “the love bug” here.

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