How to Conquer Rejection

I recently shared my story of my first rejection.  Here is where the story picks up…

It had been a few weeks since my first rejection.  I got a lovely message from a very attractive gentleman on my usual dating site.  We spent the week having long conversations on the phone, something I had done only once or twice since the split with my ex husband. (I have now added this to my vetting process.  I can get a much better read on a person over the phone than through text.) Finally, again, I was hitting it off with someone.  Yay!!!!  Seriously, it doesn’t happen often enough.  We got a lot of business out of the way before we even made plans to meet.  We agreed on non-monogamy.  I knew I didn’t have the same relationship goals as him but since we would continue to date other people, it was agreed it wasn’t a problem.  (Much more information than I usually get before a first date.)

When it came time to plan our first date, he asked if it would be ok if we just got a hotel room and ordered in?  It sounded perfect, actually.  I love conversation and it is always best when it isn’t in a loud, public venue.  Now, this doesn’t match most dating advice on meeting in public first.  I follow that rule 99% of the time.  This was an exception.  I felt comfortable from our phone conversations.  It wasn’t nearly as risky as meeting him at his place.  I got the room in my name and knew I could ask him to leave if it didn’t feel right.

I was in the room about an hour before he was able to join me.  It felt really odd to answer a hotel room door, like it was my front door.  I was so worried that I would be rejected.  That last meeting was in my head.  I needed a positive experience to wipe it away.

He walked in carrying a bag of Chinese take-out.  He sat the bag down, I greeted him with a hug, then we sized each other up, or that is how it felt.  Here I was worried I wouldn’t be what he expected but it seemed he was worried about the same thing.  He asked me, “Am  I what you expected?”  I think we both knew that we took a risk in meeting this way.  With that risk, any rejection might have felt worse.  I could have ended up in a hotel room watching cable for the night.  But I didn’t.  We had a wonderful evening.  And my fear of rejection was back in check.  I just needed a positive experience to replace the uncomfortable experience from before.

My advice, in all of life, if you have a less than positive experience, get back out there and replace it with a new, better experience.  Don’t let it take up too much space in your head.  Definitely don’t give it a long term lease.

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