I recently shared my story of my first rejection. Here is where the story picks up…
It had been a few weeks since my first rejection. I got a lovely message from a very attractive gentleman on my usual dating site. We spent the week having long conversations on the phone, something I had done only once or twice since the split with my ex husband. (I have now added this to my vetting process. I can get a much better read on a person over the phone than through text.) Finally, again, I was hitting it off with someone. Yay!!!! Seriously, it doesn’t happen often enough. We got a lot of business out of the way before we even made plans to meet. We agreed on non-monogamy. I knew I didn’t have the same relationship goals as him but since we would continue to date other people, it was agreed it wasn’t a problem. (Much more information than I usually get before a first date.)
When it came time to plan our first date, he asked if it would be ok if we just got a hotel room and ordered in? It sounded perfect, actually. I love conversation and it is always best when it isn’t in a loud, public venue. Now, this doesn’t match most dating advice on meeting in public first. I follow that rule 99% of the time. This was an exception. I felt comfortable from our phone conversations. It wasn’t nearly as risky as meeting him at his place. I got the room in my name and knew I could ask him to leave if it didn’t feel right.
I was in the room about an hour before he was able to join me. It felt really odd to answer a hotel room door, like it was my front door. I was so worried that I would be rejected. That last meeting was in my head. I needed a positive experience to wipe it away.
He walked in carrying a bag of Chinese take-out. He sat the bag down, I greeted him with a hug, then we sized each other up, or that is how it felt. Here I was worried I wouldn’t be what he expected but it seemed he was worried about the same thing. He asked me, “Am I what you expected?” I think we both knew that we took a risk in meeting this way. With that risk, any rejection might have felt worse. I could have ended up in a hotel room watching cable for the night. But I didn’t. We had a wonderful evening. And my fear of rejection was back in check. I just needed a positive experience to replace the uncomfortable experience from before.
My advice, in all of life, if you have a less than positive experience, get back out there and replace it with a new, better experience. Don’t let it take up too much space in your head. Definitely don’t give it a long term lease.