Question #17: What is your most treasured memory?
I knew I would cry. He knew I would cry. It had been a week. I could practice my answer all I wanted and I couldn’t take the emotion out of it. “At the end of my son’s 5th birthday party, I told my mom goodbye twice. I will always remember that. I said my goodbye’s twice. She left the party and when she got home she died. We knew she was terminal but you just never think it’s going to actually happen.” He leaned forward, as we sat on my couch facing each other, and held me. He didn’t just hug me. Rather he didn’t let me go for quite some time. I am a hugger and even I wanted to pull away a bit. I know it was my discomfort in being that vulnerable. It isn’t just that I am worried about other people dealing with my emotions. It turns out I am also uncomfortable with me dealing with my emotions.
Last week I wrote about the 36 questions to help you fall in love. Last night we finished the questions, my friend and I. What did it accomplish? I can obviously only speak for myself but I feel it primed us to have a really open and honest conversation about our friendship/relationship. I have always just said we were fun friends. I didn’t need to label it. But I am guilty of filling in the blanks in my head when it comes to all my relationships. I took this opportunity to ask the questions, to share my feelings, to really understand him. When he left, I felt full. I felt understood. I felt heard. I felt vulnerable. I felt validated. The blanks were filled in. They weren’t filled in with my version but with our version. He is now one of “those people”. Those people who really know me. I presented him with all of it, unfiltered. And like my other “those people” (my very close friends who I over share my feelings with) he accepted me.